Saturday 30 January 2010

after talking with various people and reviewing my animatic i have decided to make changes to make film flow better, read better and look better, here goes:
  • longer time and a closeup of mother seeing daughter watching as she munches on the stepdad's head. she should then drop head instead of put down (both for timing issues and it is more like she cares about daughter and not head). Then the hug after this should last longer so audience see she is reassuring daughter and not going to attack her after all, it is important to make enough time for shots so the audience register what is going on. after hug they walk towards camera, dip to black, then arrive at long shot of chapel so it is smoother running and also saves a couple of seconds that i needed to make other scenes longer. like perhaps i will make the scene of the closeup outside the chapel a bit longer so the audience can see properly what it is.
  • when they are in the chapel although i have changed this scene greatly and lengthened it i still think there could be a tiny bit extra time for mother to get pendant off alter as it still looks like we dont know where this pendant has appeared from.
  • when daughter bumps into male she should look at pendant and back at where she has come from and then panic and grab male and run. make the running more manic by cutting to closeups of faces. then instead of them tiring they should just burst through onto the scene with the rock on which they sit panting heavily.
  • when they kiss daughter should look at pendant while still kissing and the male doesnt notice. this is because the male remains oblivious to her tradition and his potential fate.
  • the moving backgrounds need to be sorted.
  • the forefront background foliage should be darker. the slope is to be made more textured and hard edges should be softened.
  • her tears are in wrong place and when she is crying this scene should be more over the top and she should be more upset and maybe caress severed head.
  • the scene where the mother is coming down the hill should be more scary so i will do cuts to closeups of mother's face and daughter reaction and mother's chomping jaws. perhaps the arms should claw at ground too.
  • the end scene needs to be bleaker and washed out colours, and colours throughout film are too many and in some places too strong. save strong colours for important strong emotions.
  • when daughter throws down pendant she should be more upset and dramatic so i will have her tugging at the pendant trying to get it off and when mother tries to stop her the daughter bats away her arm. the daughter manages to rip her pendant off and throws it at mother.
  • when daughter walks away we should see the reaction of the mother more and the mother should be upset and remorsful and drop to her knees or something.
  • the final shot of the daughter with her baby should be a different background maybe. maybe the one of the rock because it is where her and the male had their first kiss.

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